People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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