I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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