did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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