You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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