i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
