Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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