So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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