Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Who died my cat blue again?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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