C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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