before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
