Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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