just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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