I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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