dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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