i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
