shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
