I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
