if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
