Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
