my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
