I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
In America we eat man semen.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize