I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
