I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
