Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
