that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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