dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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