its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize