New invention idea: vibrating tampons
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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