I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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