grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
