i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
