If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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