I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
