the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
