So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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