he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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