"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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