Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I lost the right to judge tonight
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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