apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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