Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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