I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
