I wanna passion pit in your ass
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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