the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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