Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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