I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
NoShamevember. You game?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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