On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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