So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
