there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
BRING THE BAGELS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
