Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
