We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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