i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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