my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
