I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
