suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
