I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
