I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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