This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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