we're blogging at a bar
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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