i permit you to call me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
